°o.O Keyboard Tourettes© O.o°

Before I go on with my BWE rant, I’m begging for anyone out there to score me a paxil or xanex. I spent the morning today crying my arse off over the “Operation Smile” telethon. My eyes are all red and puffy from a whole mornings worth of bawling. Geez, I need some drugs STAT.

By the way, it’s been too friggin’ hot lately. My friend Mark who resides in Riverside CA says it goes up to 115 (at least) where he lives. It even got to a scorching 90 degrees here in Irvine…and I’m only a 10 minute drive away from PCH. Damn it’s hot…”hotter than a joggers ball sac”.

Overheard from BWE:
Lance Armstrong won his 7th consecutive Tour the France…now that he’s retired he can now go back to normal activities like growing his hair back. Frankly, I can ever get enough of him in spandex…
Orlando Bloom has been enjoying Jude Law’s sloppy seconds. He to me is the “less” masculine version of Jude Law. If things don’t work out, Sienna Miller can start dating Tinky Winky.
X-Men’s Alan Cumming has recently released his own perfume. The ad was brimming with sexual innuendo (frankly he’s gayer than Tinky Winky to me…why they chose him to the Nightcrawler is beyond me). Next up, “Ejaculotion”. Yikes!

View the “I’m Cumming” commercial here:

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Saw this wonderful pic at the DA website…and as arcane as my taste for what qualifies as interesting art to me, this one grabbed my fancy (the photo on the bottom was taken by a student who followed an outcast in his highshool):

Who Framed the Birds

Here’s a cute amateur shot:

The Kid in the Hall

Laura Dugan is my newest digerati/netizen bestfriend. Not only has she made me famous (among the ever expanding House M.D discussion group members and a minute portion of the state of PA), she gave me the best birthday present. What a wonderful human being she most definitely is. Here’s the latest e-mail exhange we had (this is in regards to July 7th’s post:

Laura Dugan writes:
I’m having a shitty ass day
at work and I want
you to be sitting in the chair right next to me
making me laugh.

but hey, I guess we need to look on the bright
side… you’re FAMOUS!

Tiyen writes:

YAY! I’m famous!…now everyone’s gonna want me to be their friend because of you…and I’ll just turn around and fart in their faces!
I’ll be, “how you like me now bitch?!!”

Howaaaaaaay for Lohwah!!!

God I just read this…sorry for reading this late. I can never get to my old emails when everytime I log on, the gaudy triumvirate fill my inbox with pages and pages of emails. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Tiyen writes:
Oh my god…i am so bad…a really bad helen keller
joke just hit me.

How do hellen keller’s parents punish her?
They rearrange her furniture.

**rim shot**

**crickets chirping*

Laura Dugan writes:

See, this - this is why I love you.

I mailed you a present today.

Ever see the South Park with Helen Keller: The Musical? Water,
Helen… water…

Laura Dugan writes:

Just thought I’d share. I’m proud of myself.
www.lauradugan.com/blog

Tiyen writes:
**pats Laura on the head and gives her a kibble**
That’ll do Laura…that’ll do…

Now that I have made another House M.D friend all hell has broken loose:

Tiyen writes:
and to steal a phrase I heard on SFU:

Don’t worry about things going right for you, that
ship has sailed.

MWEE-HEE-HEE

New Friend Veronica writes:

*ROTFLMAO* O how I love my Filipino friend.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Pip - the decidely NON-House/Cameron shipper *G*

Laura Dugan writes:

ey, back off! She was my Phillip-ino… Fill-a-peanyo…
Feel-a-pea-now… Californian friend first!

Miss talkin’ to you Kettle, hope your MRI results bring good tidings.

I really don’t mind people getting mad at me for posting spoilers on my OWN blog…Whatever…Anybody have a problem with my glib comments and disregard for one’s wish to be let alone when it comes to revealing spoilers…please “unfriend” me and don’t read my blog. Danke.

I have been patient since season 3 for Nathaniel Samuel Fisher Jr. to get his act straight…sure his fiance fucked a gazillion people in the 2nd season…but she’s a changed woman (which almost is scary and out of character…alas, it’s CANON bitch). Every single time he’s given a chance to be a better person he royally fucks up. I am so damn tired of this Alan Ball…it almost overshadows the perfect homosexual relationship between doormat David and stud-muffin Keith. This is the final Season people…are you really wanting me to have a hissy fit where this show is heading? Claire’s an insufferable scum sucking whiner and Ruth…well Ruth is need of lithium STAT. From what I’ve seen…we’re not exactly sure if Nate Jr comes out of his brain spasm a repentant man. If he doesnt, Brenda better leave his sorry ass…he can stay with the “sappy little ferret” for all I care.

Being the moderator for the SFU Fanatics Group, I encourage SFU fans to slam their two cents in. I’ve also created a poll, just for the sheer fun of it! Click away mee-harties!!!

HL got himself this year’s Television Critics Association award for Best Actor in a Drama **does a ridiculous jig**. Am also glad “Arrested Development won for Best Comedy (sorry DH…you are not as funny; but I know I’ll tivo your entire 2nd Season).

ABC’s newcomers “Lost” and “Desperate Housewives” came away victorious with “Lost” winning two awards (Outstanding New Program and Outstanding Achievement in Drama) and “Desperate Housewives” awarded Program of The Year. The Fox comedy “Arrested Development” came away with a repeat win for Outstanding Achievement in Comedy. In the individual achievement categories, Hugh Laurie (“House”) won for drama and Jon Stewart (“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart”) won for comedy. This is the second time Stewart has been honored in this category, with a previous win in 2003.

It looks horrible enough to be funny…don’t fuck around with porcupines next time Fido…

Alex Blonski writes “In a stunning move, the ESRB has advised retailers to stop selling Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. This report follows public pressure over the Hot Coffee debacle. Rockstar, the publishers of the game have given retailers the option of restickering the game with an 18+ rating or exchanging it for a new version with the controversial content removed. ESRB head Patricia Vance says ‘After a thorough investigation, we have concluded that sexually explicit material exists in a fully rendered, unmodified form on the final discs of all three platform versions of the game (i.e., PC CD-ROM, Xbox and PS2). However, the material was programmed by Rockstar to be inaccessible to the player and they have stated that it was never intended to be made accessible. The material can only be accessed by downloading a software patch, created by an independent third party without Rockstar’s permission, which is now freely available on the internet and through console accessories. Considering the existence of the undisclosed and highly pertinent content on the final discs, compounded by the broad distribution of the third party modification, the credibility and utility of the initial ESRB rating has been seriously undermined.’”

Frankly, since this game is already disturbingly violent, a little sex mixed in shouldn’t be made a big deal. If the goal of the game was to hit some of that puntang pie, I think it’s much better than encouraging the player to beat up virtual people to a bloody pulp (and to steal cars). Even Hilary Clinton has gotten involved…she must’ve started noticing Bill spending waaaaaay too much time playing XBOX and fondling the joystick a little more agressively than usual…then again, Hilary’s always way behind when a BJ’s involved. The last poor soul to know…tsk!tsk!

I just bought myself a copy of “The Half-Blood Prince” a couple of days ago (have been dying to read it since bloody JK Rowling killed Sirius Black in Order of the Phoenix). Sat myself down at a Starbucks the other day to read it; but when I was at the cash register, the portly gentleman behind it looked at my tummy and commented, “How far long gone are you?” to which my gigantic eyeballs about popped out of their sockets and I replied defensively, “EXCUSE ME?!!”…the oblivious jack-off continued to annoy me by asking, “Are you in the middle stage or have you just started?”…by that time, steam must’ve escaped my now flaring nostrils, “I’m not pregnant!!!”…He just smiled kindly; almost snickering from my outburst and pointed to the Harry Potter book that I was hugging close to my belly. I about pissed myself a river from embarrassment. Hell, I’m not going back to that Starbucks branch anymore!!!

Just because I am fucked up…I’ll tell you without warning that Harry falls in love with Ginny Weasley. Having spoiled that, I will now be activating the auto-reply feature on my emails and changing my phone numbers.

By the way, Happy Humpday to ya’ll…and I love Hugh!

Favorite House Quote of the Blog:
“Your lips says no, your prunes say yes”

The Rise of Hugh Laurie’s US Star

Hugh Laurie has wowed critics in medical drama House
Hugh Laurie has been part of the British comedy establishment for nearly 20 years as the star of series including Blackadder and Jeeves and Wooster, in which he has played very British characters.
Now he is making a splash in the US in the new hit series House, playing the grumpy-yet-brilliant Doctor Gregory House.
So convincing has been his performance as a US TV doctor that casting directors, critics and audiences were stunned to discover he was British.
The medical drama - set in an infectious diseases hospital ward - sees Dr House solve a different baffling case each week. The Fox network has already signed up a 22-episode second series.
Laurie starred in three series of Blackadder
While the show is being heaped with praise, Laurie has found himself becoming a heart-throb at the age of 46.
The influential US magazine TV Guide put his face on the cover with the headline “TV’s sexiest man”.
Laurie was educated at Eton and Cambridge, where he was a member of the famous Footlights theatre review troupe.
It was there he met actress Emma Thompson, who introduced him to Stephen Fry who was to become his longterm comedy partner.
The pair’s first sketch show, A Bit of Fry and Laurie, aired in 1986, and ran on and off for nine years.
Laurie appeared in three Blackadder series, playing various posh but dim-witted characters.
As well as appearing in successful TV series, Laurie also notched up a number of film roles including Peter’s Friends, 101 Dalmatians, Maybe Baby and Stuart Little.
Laurie has had a long comedy partnership with Stephen Fry
His most recent British TV outings were in Fortysomething, which he starred in and directed, and The Young Visiters.
He was also one of the stars of the remake of Flight of the Phoenix, about survivors of a plane crash in the Mongolian desert who work together to build a new plane.
Adding another string to his bow, Laurie has also penned a comic thriller novel called The Gun Seller, for which he has also written a screenplay.
During the filming of House, Laurie rented an apartment in Los Angeles and travelled back to the UK to see his wife and three children when filming would allow.
But he says he may relocate the family to the US for the filming of the second series.

According to Page Six:
PAMELA Anderson is hoping her third wedding with Tommy Lee will be the charm. Lee — who has already walked down the aisle twice with Anderson — popped the question again on Friday at the Palms Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, our spy reports. “He got her a black diamond with two gray diamonds on the side. After she said yes, they flew on the Palm’s private jet back to L.A. — but they crossed out the ‘l’ on the side of the jet so it said ‘Pam’s.’ ” The kooky couple then shacked up at the Mondrian for the weekend and told pals the wedding would happen “this week.” A rep for Anderson said, “I don’t think so,” but then didn’t call back after promising to check.

You can tell I’m hitting some sort of a dry spell because I’m talking about Pam Anderson for fuck’s sake. I don’t know what’s up with her and her gynormous implants (which are the size of bowling balls) and Tommy’s schlong are up to, but I don’t think it has something to to with the wellbeing of their two kids (who are fated to seek shock theraphy when they up just because their mom and dad are Pam and Tommy). It could really be true love…heck, it’s been a while since Pam found another dick the size of the Polar Express. Tsk! Tsk! L’Amour…