°o.O Keyboard Tourettes© O.o°

**bows head**

Let’s say a prayer for those poor unfortunate souls who had to feel the brunt of Hurricane Katrina’s wrath…

**lifts head**

Not that this will help (much) but my friend Becky from Alaska DOT and I  were considering having Pamela Anderson over to New Orleans. We’ve so far considered the following names for what would be her rescue vessel:

Silicone Float

Nipple Raft

The Mammary Schooner

The Areola Ketch

Boob Barge

Teat skif

and USS Rubber Biscuits

I have been offline for what seemed to me, like an eternity. I am so scared to check my yahoo emails today. Curly, Pip and whatever we decided to name Katie must have been talking shit about me all day long. My ears were burning…those fuckers.

Just a saw a picture of Jude Law, booty butt nekked and exposing what looked to me like an infant monkey’s arm holding a baby bottle cap. I’ll just assume just to be fair to Jude that an icy blast of wind fanned his twig and berries. Now, I know why he ended marrying Sadie Frost and not pursue such intimidating beauties like Christy Turlington or Elizabeth Hurley. Personally, he’s not my type. Too much of a pretty boy… if I had any lesbian tendencies, I’d maaaybe consider him worth ogling for. I like your garden variety hot and reeking with seeeeeeeex appeal older gruff men…the kind that can make you cum confetti.

I just love how Bobby Brown calls George Dubya Bush a motherfucker and says that Dubya personally put him in jail.

I will from now on will only be photographed with my glasses on. I already look like an extraterrestial, might as well complete the ensemble by sporting unflattering glasses. Mayby one day the frumpy hausfrau look will come in handy…

I’m glad I’m back…

I just want to say how great it’s been finding people in this God’s green earth that are as loco as I am.  Here’s an email exchange between my best gal Laura and Dr. Mac on problems with the spleen (why that topic ever came out…I will never know):

Laura: I imagine the spleen is the outcast among the organs, being teased  unmercifully by the power organs like Liver, Kidney, Heart, Stomach. His
only friend is the somewhat unfortunately named Uterus, which sounds like a name for the 10th planet in our solar system.

Dr. Mac: Curly….you just made my day! 

Laura: Yaaaaay! I made the doctor’s day!  You know, I used to want to be a pathologist. Actually, if I’m honest, I used to want to be Scully on the X-Files. That idea quickly dissipated when I realized I’m not so much into blood and guts. But hey, I also used to want to be a cheerleading nurse.

Kids are strange.

Dr. Mac:  I start teaching first-year med students next week and I will be using this line when we get to the spleen.  Keep this up, folks…write my lectures for me!

Tonight’s SFU episode brings me another painful realization that next week, my favorite dysfunctional family (next to the Bundys) drama comes to a dreary end. I will forever thank the producers of this show for whatever maudlin thoughts it rewards me everytime I watch it. I can cope with my angst better and seeing and almost believing these fictional characters exist make me realize I’m grateful for whatever things I have been given…even my disabilities and faults. I’m just glad to be alive right now. And grateful that I get to see my children grow and be happy themselves.

I will miss SFU immensely. It’s been the first show I have ever made a personal connection with which to a great number of people is almost psychotic…ok so it is psychotic. I’ll make sure to make a note of it when I decide to get my head shrunk.

I will never forget this show - NEVAH. I wouldn’t have discovered "The Weekend Players", the slightest interest in the Death Care industry, my understanding of the homosexual lifestyle, and my love for art rekindled.

Boy I am such a freak, ain’t I?

I just wanted to use an abstruce title for this blog…why? Because I can barely understand myself…

I can now honestly confirm that I have grown to have a penchant for older men. First on my list of dropdead gorgeous obsessions is Mr. Viggo Mortensen **thud** Turning 47 this October 20…Second, is the uber handsome Hugh Laurie; who celebrated his 46th b-day last June…I fear another notch on my belt has just been added. I am seeing Dr. Cox of Scrubs in a different light…then again, I think I’m just attracted to insufferable old grumps…

Oh now I remember how I came up with this blog’s title…it was one of the first things Claire of SFU had for breakfast after having just discovered her brother had passed away. Since, she didn’t have enough to roll a doobie with, she just merely turned the plastic inside out and licked any remnants of what would have been an effective painkiller for her.

I had my first yoga lesson in 7 months today…my muscles feel like they’re going to atrophy real soon.
One sure way to break concentration in a yoga class, is the sound of someone breaking wind. It was sadly only I who grinned like a baboon today. Hey, it wasn’t me…believe me; if I did it you would have heard some disturbing news on tv about innocent people succumbing to my deadly fart.
It’s about time I start excercising anyway. I have been seriously looking a lot more like a portly taquito lately. All that I needed to convince myself to get into shape was a glance at a current horrific picture of Britney Spears resembling more like Shamu’s kid sister. This woman used to be skinnnnnnnnnnny…plus it doesn’t help ones self-esteem if ones own mother and sister-in-law start labeling you as FAT.

By the way, this is already my 80th post **Whoop dee fricken doo** and I’m starting to get a wee bit addicted to “Scrubs”…damn, its that older gruff sexy dude in my head again! For the record, for those who watch Scrubs and know it’s characters, the older guy I’ve been refering to is NOT Dr. Kelso. But I already know by my admission of liking older men, I am going to be teased to no end with this…c’mon, bring it on bitch!!!

I just love being friends with Pip and Curly!

Here’s an email exchange between Pip and I:

Tiyen:  **runs away from Pip’s roundhouse kick**

Pip:     Hee…the roundhouse happens to be my best kick. My sidekicks on the other hand…much work is needed.

Tiyen:  My current fag likes rave-like music. He seems to> have IBS too (by observation he spends too much time  in the bathroom…and he goes every 15 minutes it  seems).

Pip: I was into techno and trance back in my early 20’s,but just can’t listen to it anymore. And…*LOL* Don’t you hate it when you know someone a little TOO well?

Tiyen: Yup, life’s a bitch and so I’ve become one too.  Woot! Woot!

Pip: Heh. I became a bitch a LOOOONG time ago. *G*

Tiyen:  I love Pipsqueak **tries to imagine pinching Pip’s  cheeks… NO NO not your butt cheeks your buccinator  muscles) Aren’t we ALL lilliputians here?

Pip:  *raises her eyebrow* Pinching my cheeks would get you  a swift punch in the head. However pinching my ass might get you a date.

Am being tortured by replays upon replays of Blues Clues today…my son has not quite gotten over the kiddie stuff. I guess I should worry if he starts locking his door when he starts watching Sailor Moon…

I had to do a double take when I noticed that the lady talking to the talking blue puppet was none other than Mary Stuart Masterson. I was so in love with her hairdo in “Somekind of Wonderful” that I wore the same style for more than a year. This was the lady who was in “Benny and Joon” for heaven sakes…with Johnny Depp no less…AND the same girl who fell in love with Robert Downy Jr in “Chances Are”. Oh, oh, oh, let’s not forget “Fried Green Tomatoes”…the last I saw her was in an HBO Motion Picture that starred the sexy Alan Rickman and Mos Def. It felt a little weird to see tomboy Watts turned into Blue’s Clue’s Cinderella…tsk…tsk…

I wonder what Leah Thompson is up to nowadays…I haven’t gotten over the fact she did “Howard the Duck”.

Just had a thought bubble…Rachel Griffiths named her first born “Banjo”. Don’t the Scotts use “banjo” as a term meaning, “to hit or punch”?

I guess that would be meaningful if she was actually Scottish (like Mr. Cummings whom I’d like to banjo all over the place), but is in fact, an Aussie.

Just a weird random idiotic thought…don’t mind me. I just can’t sleep unless I write these things down.

**collapses beside hubby who is happily snoring away**

Love GH and SFU!…and Oded Fehr and a little bit of Johnny Depp using Gallic profanity…fan my knickers a bit. Woooooo!

I’ve gotten myself quite in a predicament…I neglected my “baby” today. No worries, I’m not the horrible mom some of you might think me to be. My warehouse that I promised to rearrange and organize was left unvisited. I ended up crowded in a corner crying over the 3rd to the very last episode of SFU. Took me about an hour and 3 cans of sprite later, to realize that I’ve been mourning over a fictional character. Somebody please send me to shock theraphy.

I’m a little troubled as to where my favorite drama is heading…one of my beloved characters was just killed off and now I don’t know what will happen to his unborn child…I should have added this to my list of: “Things that keep me awake at night”. I haven’t cried this much over a show since “Joy Luck Club” and that was because I was in the mood to cry. Oh wait, there was that time where I cried over Mark Darcy leaving poor little Bridget forlorn and heartbroken in “The Edge of Reason”…or when Nate Sr died and Ruth went absofuckinlutely apeshit. God I’m going to miss that show. Damn you Alans Ball and Poul **snicker** that sounded funny **snickering continues** hee-hee…I swear I think I’m bi-polar sometimes…

Nate will have good company in the ever after…his Dad (Nate Sr), his first wife Lisa (he can certainly ask her if Maya really is a product from HIS loins), dear Fiona who deflowered him at the ripe Fisher age of 15, his brother-in-law who he can still beat up in the afterlife after having murdered his first wife AND Gabrial Dimas (his little sister’s ex-boyfriend whom she incidently “toe sucked”). He hardly knows him but they can certainly keep each other company seeing that they’re both losers when they were alive. Oh I just totally forgot about Bernard Chenowith who can pick a bone with him for cheating on his only daughter (while still pregnant with his first grandchild).

Let me just borrow just a precious few comments I read from the TwoP gabbery:

“The Mystic Odes” - Rumi

Our death is our wedding with eternity
What is the secret? “God is One.”
The sunlight splits when entering the windows of the house.
This multiplicity exists in the cluster of grapes;
It is not in the juice made from the grapes.
For he who is living in the Light of God,
The death of the carnal soul is a blessing.
Regarding him, say neither bad nor good,
For he is gone beyond the good and the bad.
Fix your eyes on God and do not talk about what is invisible,
So that he may place another look in your eyes.
It is in the vision of the physical eyes
That no invisible or secret thing exists.
But when the eye is turned toward the Light of God
What thing could remain hidden under such a Light?
Although all lights emanate from the Divine Light
Don’t call all these lights “the Light of God”;
It is the eternal light which is the Light of God,
The ephemeral light is an attribute of the body and the flesh.
…Oh God who gives the grace of vision!
The bird of vision is flying towards You with the wings of desire.

llgurl wrote:
I can’t believe Maggie had the temerity to show up at the funeral. Just who the hell does she think she is?? And bringing Brenda a quiche? Is she nuts?

Favorite line, Brenda, “Is this a quaker thing? F*** a man’s wife and bring them a quiche?”

Anastasia169 wrote:

I am stunned by the depth, beauty and sincerity of what I have just seen. When SFU first aired, I remember thinking that here was a show that addressed the real taboo of our society - death - and now, in addressing it, Alan Ball et al shows us how to grieve. I can forgive the operatic plot machinations of Seasons 3 and 4 because they gave us television that addresses our deepest needs and fears and rises to the level of art. Burying Nate in the archetypal manner in which humanity has always buried its dead is the right way to go, not just for the earth, but for the grieving.

I am too blown away to say more at the moment.

Earnie99 wrote:

To add to the narcissism theme started last week:

1) Ruth going, “Don’t I get a say?”

2) MaChen talking about how she’s falling apart, when getting Brenda ready for the funeral.

3) Rico worrying about David running off all willy-nilly and buying a crematorium.

Emziez wrote:
That was…
Probably one of the two or three best I have seen. And the hardest to watch.
It was the only one where I was literally crying my eyes out. A few times I have gotten very choked up, but I was full out sobbing from the middle on.

And I know this is where I would normally say “get Michael C. Hall an Emmy”, but after tonight I realize that no Emmy, no Golden Globe, no accolade could properly reward MCH for his talent. He is beyond words at this point. I don’t even know how to describe my awe toward his acting…he is truly like no one I have ever seen in my life, on the big or small screen. Again, beyond words..fucking incredible.

Nirvana-thought it was perfect. Not overly complicated or far out, just spot on for Nate and Claire.

Hated Ruth in the beginning, but toward the middle I softened toward her.

The burial was gut wrenching.

Keith and the Pasquease situation-WHAT THE FUCK. Pasquesal cracks me up.

Durrell and Anthony playing nurse-awwww.

I fear for David’s life as well. I don’t see him lasting physically and mentally, he’s going down the drain in all aspects. He seems to be on the verge of a mental and physical collapse. He was unable to stand for the most part and I know a large factor in that was the grief and anxiety. But I’m downright frightened for him. He’s always been fragile since the attack but now he’s coming apart at the seams.
Good touch to show his faltering state when he kept breaking off sentences, hesitating, unable to finish. When Ruth and Keith had to use physical force (not that he was resisting) to sit him down during the service, his fatigue seemed almost unbearable.

What an unbearable episode. But amazing nonetheless. Lauren, Rachel, Frances all wonderful. But this turned into Michael C. Hall’s show at some point for me. I bow to him.

Kelkon writes:

On the post upthread about Claire’s comment to David at the funeral: Brilliant! How apropos for Claire to just make it in time and not really give a rat’s ass what she has on
Re: Ted in next week’s episode: I don’t think he’s going to turn out to be a bad guy. Just a feeling. I think Claire’s probably tyring to push him away because she can’t be close to anyone. Just a guess.

MCH was so unbelievably good tonight - the whole scene between he, the body and his mother…you could just feel the insurmountable grief. And I think the red jogging jacket is back because Nate’s death has triggered some sort of post traumatic stress symptoms. I’m no shrink, but that’s my best guess. I was thinking that at some point, he was going to do just what Nate had always told him to do (as told in the eulogy) - laugh.

Oh, and Brenda’s attempt to participate in the burial? Heart-wrenching. I kept thinking she was just going to lose it. And I secretly hoped she was going to take the shovel to the Ferret’s knees, but oh well.

Speaking of Ferret, on which circle of Quaker-hell is there a spot reserved for her? What moron bakes a quiche for a dead lover’s wife?

Loved it, loved it, loved it! Now must go dry eyes….

Prophetreturns writes:

I found it to be a beautiful episode. Reminded me of when I was in love with this show during the first season. The bloom fell off that rose during season two and the show became a bit hit or miss with me as well. However I kept watching because overall I liked the characters and I liked how unique this show is. “The Wire” is my fave of HBO and the best written and acted as far as I’m concerned. Yet what impressed me always about 6FU was that it didn’t need crime or violence or guns to sell itself as a show. It didn’t need exploitative sex either which means its different from 99% of the dramas on TV today. Also I respected that unlike David Chase and “The Sopranos”, Alan Ball and “Six Feet Under” kept spitting out seasons in a timely, annual fashion—as if they were on a major network schedule. This show didn’t need 18 or more months between seasons to come up with ideas. Rather I could count on new seasons to arrive every 12 months. That alone deserves praise. So it saddens me to see it go and to know that these characters will be off my screen for good in two weeks. But I’ll take comfort in that its going out on the top of its game and that it has sculpted many fine memories for me that I’ll hold on to for many years (God willing of course).

R.I.P.

Caltron wrote:

I didn’t cry at this episode until the last scene with Brenda and Billy. Brenda was trying so hard to stay strong and composed, so when she did finally break down, I found that her grief was the most real and raw. Not only how sad she was, but how caring Billy was toward her. It was the first time in the episode that someone seemed to care about her and what she was going through.

She was the one that had suffered the most through the whole ordeal. Almost everyone else got to leave Nate on good terms, but Nate was a complete and utter asshole toward her in their last conversation. Brenda is the one that is pregnant and all alone. But yet everyone else was so caught up in their own grief.

I know it’s T.V. and all, but I find it hard to believe that NONE of the Fisher’s went to Brenda’s side, with her being so enormously pregnant with Nate’s child.

Ok so there are more…pages and pages of good forum entries. I can just weed through them in one hour. This show has been nothing but brillliant! I’m going to miss you SFU.

When I die, be it known since I may be too broke to hire an attorney to help me construct a will, if a bus runs me over, I want my organs harvested and for me to be cremated and my ashes shed everywhere. No soft soil is going to decompose me. Save that for those who can afford a cemetary plot. However an emotional outburst such as screaming in utmost grief during my memorial service will earn you kudos points from me. I will cross you out of my list of people to haunt.

By the way, I just love Season 2 of “The Entourage”. Squeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

So it’s been an unfortunately boring weekend. I didn’t do anything but stare at my wallpaper and watch tivoed episodes of Def Poetry and Jimmy Kimmel.

If somebody asked me what it is I think is my best asset, I’d immediately say, “my sense of humor”. I think that’s the only redeeming characteristic I have. This is just one of the things that keep me up at night. That and what Oded Fehr eats for breakfast or if Luke Wilson is really as sweet as he looks.
Oh, and I wonder how Viggo makes love and how in the world did HL’s wife forgive him for sleeping with his publicist. Tsk…tsk..

I sometimes wonder how good Keanu would look 5 years from now or if Jesse Spencer and Jennifer Morrison will ever get engaged.

Will I ever lose my mommy blubber or will I ever hear Jack Johnson live in concert. Will there come a time I’ll ever find Orlando Bloom sexy…NAH.

Things I Can’t Wait to See (and burn):
1. Viggo in “History of Violence”
2. Frances Conroy in “Broken Flowers”.
3. Season 2 Episodes of House M.D (because I can)
4. Oded Fehr in “Deuce Bigalo: European Gigolo” (anything he’s in, I’m more than happy to watch)
5. Steve Carrell as “The 40-year old Virgin”.
6. Ricky Gervais in an upcoming Simpsons episode in 2006.
7. Valient (just because I want to hear HL’s voice in an animated feature film).
8. Ralph Fiennes as Lord Voldermort in “HP and TGOF” (I’ve always known Tom Riddle was a hottie)
9. Scanner Darkly (it may suck…but then again it might not)
10. Pretty Persuation (because I heard it’s GOOD)

I feel pretty good I got that out of my system. Now I can sleep early…I think 1 am would do.