°o.O Keyboard Tourettes© O.o°

I am a sad little runt today (little na…may runt pa). My teacher didn’t give me props (although he DID mention my name a bunch of times but that was to laugh at me…not with me); I am such an attention whore. I lifted that leg as high as I could! What the fuck do you want from me?!!
So I’m actually counting the days till the next episode of House. I was starting to go apeshit from all the withdrawals I had to go through.
I am glad they’ve finally revealed that Sela Ward’s character will be bumped off the show and I am mortified to hear of spoilers involving my girl Cambooty and floppy haired englishman Chase gettin’ bu-ze-hey in episode 5. Gaaaaaaaah. No can do. My OTP lives and will never die ya hear!!!…in fact it’s in lust! The one thing I’m excited to do is continue my eppie ramblings. I immensely enjoyed, spewing drivel about episode 3. God I miss Hugh…**watches Maybe Baybe**
I am bored out of my mind…I need to be back in the game again…pimping game, that is. I want to be a certified wing-mama. Stace, I think it’s time we head back to Vegas. My lobster hands are ready and willing to cop a feel another dealer’s ass for ya.

Oh joy and jubilation; I have here a nice little interview clip of mi amor, Viggo Mortensen.  Couldn’t rip it off the site **shrugs**; I WAS going to host it on geocities; but since they didn’t want me to extract it, I’ll just go ahead and leech from their site **evil cackle**

There is nothing else I can say that this genius hasn’t already summed up for me. Somebody dry hump this man. He is sooooooo perceptive!

People magazine reports that Katie Holmes has dropped out of the Dennis Quaid film Shame On You so that she can “focus on her pregnancy,” which consists mostly of her breasts getting bigger and Tom Cruise not caring. It’s also been rumored that after she gives birth, Katie intends to become a stay-at-home mom.

Because Tom and Katie are really traditional like that, and they need their child to grow up with a firm understanding of the proper gender roles: mommies stay home and take care of the house, and daddies are hypodermic needles with semen in them. And every two weeks, some guy named Tom shows up reeking of leather and cosmopolitans, and pays everyone to keep their mouths shut.

Fuckitty fuck fuck! Boy what a week! What makes this excruciating week agonizing is that most of the gigantic blunders were caused by me.

I lost my cell phone last Sunday. No prob, I’ve got insurance; I can just get it replaced, right?
Wow, the returns people said I can get a newer model of LG since the asswipes from Samsung discontinued my lost one. Great right? What’s even greater is that I get my replacement fed-exed overnight. Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Here’s the thing, because of the lack of synapse activity happening in my brain, I started charging the new phone without a battery installed **facepalm**…what’s more is, I seriously think I already lost the charger by leaving the bag I kept it in, in the office parking lot. **facepalm number 2**. What’s the use of a new phone if you’ve lost your bagillion phone#s anyway? As I had said, fuckitty fuck fuck!!!
Moreover, I put the gear on drive instead of reverse while attempting to back away from my parking spot.
Even though Wednesdays are my favorite days because of yoga, I made a gigantic arse of myself during meditation when I chortled out loud when the hottie yoga instructor **ahem** I mean yoga instructor said, “…your spine is alive and erect”, Mind you, I was the only moron who found the humor in this. I wanted to hide inside my enormous yoga pants and hibernate for the entire fall season.
I was also responsible for interviewing applicants for our company this week. I decided to have one of the male applicants do a typing test (he applied for the admin assistant position). I didn’t have any word document for him to use, but instead found a formal letter hiding away in one of my co-workers “my document” folders. I didn’t even bother checking to see what I was making this interviewee, type. I only realized after he had finished typing, that he had copied word for word, a personal letter to my co-worker’s insurance agent revealing his contraction of a nasty STD. My God, I don’t know what to do withmyself! I thought I was extracting a company letter to OCBusiness Association; I had to bloody pick the wrong letter.
So you can see, I don’t really care the Angels beat the Yankees for a shot of the championship, nothing can possibly make this week any better. Fuck Murphy’s law!

**groan**
Had a rough yoga class last night…pushed my body to the brink of breaking. And maybe because I’ve been a major bitch, I finally got my comeuppance. A sore behind and bruised pride.
**time lapse**
Moving on…did anyone see SYTYCD last night? I have one word for Lauren Sanchez…EEEEEW. If her mammary glands weren’t as big as bowling balls, she would have looked a little better doing her turns on the mambo (and done them faster…seemed like an entire year had passed by the time she completed a single turn). Boy she’s got hairy arms that lady; and her face looks like it was cooked in a microwave. Worse of all, her lips look like a horse’ vagina…

And what’s up with this whole hubbub over Kate Holme’s pregnancy. Didn’t Tom and Nicole adopt because he was shooting air out of his pee hole (and the whole thing about being the biggest “maricon” in hollywood)? One of these assholes has some agenda to push, or the world is coming to an end because quite frankly it scares the hell out of me to know that Tom can freak a woman, let alone knock one up. I don’t know what ’s more disturbing; this bit of news (that they most willingly announced to the entire world) or the sight of Lauren Sanchez’ orangutan arms and her twitching saline implanted breast.

**ponders**

I guess the news of TomKat’s child wins hands down. Sorry Lauren. Your freaky-dicky breasts and the playdoh you have for skin can’t trump that. Come on, just look what this child is going to look like!

Update:
Saw Bill Mahr’s HBO show Friday night and he had the funniest thing to say about these those ass hairs.
“If the baby’s a girl, they’ll name her after her mother, Kate. If the baby’s a boy, they’ll name him after his father, in vitro”. ROTFLMAO!

GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER!!!
I got to talk to Pip (for the first time) and Curly today. Pip’s in Boston, MA and Curly’s in Palmyra, PA. We were able to gang up on Pip since she was the only one who was in the “House should be with no one” group. But she has a strong personality, and she whittled into our defenses and overcame us both. If I were next to her, I wouldn’t ripped her nose ring off. But that is just to show her how much affection I have for her.
We had so much fun, I had to hang up a few times just to keep my gastritis in check. It’s so embarrasing to be part of a fun, intelligent conversation, and all of a sudden I start to gag on my own saliva. Yes, I am utterly pathetic…and disturbing to people in so many many levels. For those who knew me in college, this involuntary regurgitation is a normal part of my day. My crush could not even sit next to me without me making a mad dash to the bathroom and spewing bile. There are things that always stay the same…and unfortunately for me, I haven’t gotten over my reflux problem.
I had to cut my 3 way short because my 15 month daughter whisked my cell phone away and started slobbering on the number keys. She must’ve shorted some circuits as I had trouble connecting afterwards. **le sigh**
So Pip and Curly…I hope you took it easy on me after we got disconnected. I could’ve sworn I heard Pip vowing never to procreate…

First of all, thanks Tolitz for the tip **wink wink**

Alas, my whining has been heard…all the way to the other coast.  I know I won’t be seeing House on Fox tonight, but Curly has been of late, in the best of writing moods and has written just for me…a fan fic of my favorite OTP.  I love you Dugan!  Maybe on the next chapter , you can bump it a notch higher…me likey smutty fic…

Teaser:

“I’m leaving.”

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. This was date number two. Number three if you counted the monster trucks, which he had begun to do. Their first date – the non-date – was the best kind of date. Its classification as “everything but the date part” allowed them both to enjoy themselves without further pressure. Or so he told himself. He wondered what went through her head that evening. He had been surprised to find himself actually being himself that night. Genuinely laughing. Enjoying the wonder in her eyes as she watched the mammoth vehicles seemingly deny physics as they launched themselves over obstacle after obstacle. Stealing her cotton candy, tempted to kiss her undoubtedly oh so sweet lips. One moment in a day in a week in a year in a lifetime that wasn’t filled with snark. Just laughter. When had he laughed like that before?

The second date: something to prove. She to prove they could make this work, her childish ideas of romance and relationships. He to prove just the opposite. He had credited himself with the win until she told him she loved him. Not then. Not then and not in those words. But soon enough.

“I thought you were too screwed up to love anyone. I was wrong. You just couldn’t love me.”

More after the jump

I’m not sure if it’s really cool of Friendster to add the “who has viewed your profile” feature. Now I can’t lurk around my ex-crush’ profile without being found out. And my pride is high… I will not eat my pride; NEVAH..Not without drinking 3 beers in quick succession I won’t!!!
So who has viewed mine?…I find it to my utter amazement to see Malaysian and New Zealander lurkers. And just because I’m a weirdo, I’ve come up with one funny anagram for the word, New Zealander…anal renew zed **does shave and a haircut** I guess that’s the best I can come up with…I just had to force the “anal” in there. Oh dear lord, what have I just said…

So one one whole month of no House eppie to rave about…GAAAAAAH!!!
I’m getting a little addled with all the fan fics that are being shoved my way (except for Curly Dugan’s fic that is). Most of them are angst ridden, but all my poor little heart wants is some smutty literature. Where are you horny fic writers? Aren’t you getting enough boo-tey?!!

I was suppose to join a marathon this month…but I haven’t stepped foot on a treadmill in months…hell I think it’s been years. I’ve already resigned to the fact that I will no longer be the stick insect I wanted to be. All my friends are doing it…getting in shape, looking all fine and proud. I feel like fresh steaming stool after eating a hearty meal. Why God, why?!! **chomps on a KFC drumstick**

I’d just like to say thanks to those who liked my profile and blog….and even to those who were tricked into reading my profile and blog. Thanks…if you don’t hear from me in the next day or two, the brain well just ran dry…and it’s all Fox’ fault for not putting House on air til the 1st of November. Mean corporate nazi fucks…

This is the first .swf file I’ve ripped and uploaded into my own geocities account.  If you watch House and are an avid House/Cameron shipper like myself, you’ll find this interview clip "squee" worthy.  I hate how Sela Ward keeps on harping about how her character and Dr.  House were the love of each other’s lives.  Frankly I find the mating practices of dung beetles more riveting than her rubbish. 

This is how tvtome.com described the clip:

Hugh Laurie, Sela Ward, and Jennifer Morrison reflect on the challenges it took to get the introverted Dr. House to come out of his shell in his unique relationship with Allison.

Click on Hugh me hartees!

Viggo Mortensen creeps out audience

Lord of the Rings star Viggo Mortensen gave a TV audience a laugh, pulling rubber creepy crawlies out of his mug of water during an interview on American TV.

By the end of his segment, the multi-coloured critters littered the desk on The Daily Show TV set and Lord Of The Rings star Mortensen started throwing them into the audience.

Mortensen is clearly pleased with the rave reviews for his new film A History Of Violence. He told host Jon Stewart: "I think this might be my best movie ever."

Mortensen’s new role is strikingly different to the metal-swinging Aragorn in the Rings trilogy.

He plays a quiet man who becomes a national hero when he foils an attempted robbery.

However his new-found fame leads to a dangerous case of mistaken identity.

Mortensen had already appeared in several films before taking on the part in Lord of the Rings.

These include G.I. Jane, Crimson Tide and A Perfect Murder.

If this article makes you go, "HUH?!!", please refer to the previous post; entitled, "100th Post".  I have a video clip of Jon’s interview with Viggo…actually, Comedy Central has the video. I just leeched. 

Quote of the Blog:

"This is like my dream orgasm… sex with Jon and Viggo… uuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh" - Laura/Curly/Kettle Dugan